However Whatever Whenever
by lemacd
Summary: I have a few vignettes gathering dust on my computer. Some are from prompts on tumblr, some are just my reactions to scenes that affected me in some way. I've decided to dump there here as I come across them. Mostly canon, mostly rated K (otherwise noted) and not in any particular order. Please let me know what you think, thanks!
1. Chapter 1

Series 6, Episode 2 "Tribal"

John sat up in bed, pretending to read while he waited for his wife to finish getting ready for bed. He missed the way she used to chatter away as she flitted about their bedroom, sorting clothes for laundry or making sure her uniform was ready for the next day. But lately finding a topic was a chore. He tried to revisit their dreams of buying a hotel, but Anna could only see a childless future. Even small talk about their day became strained; there was news from America and Lady Rose was in the family way.

"You look like you have something to say," Anna said as she sat at her dressing table and pulled pins from her hair. When he didn't speak, she looked up and met his eyes in the mirror. "Out with it."

"Why did you say that I'm tribal?" he asked and instantly her eyes dropped to the hairbrush she held in her hands. "Do you think I'm incapable of accepting a child that I didn't make with you? Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

"Of course, I don't think that," she answered sharply, but then her tone turned apologetic. "I shouldn't have said that, I know you are capable of great love."

"Then why?" He pushed. With a heavy sigh, Anna moved to blow out the candle on the small table by the bed. She crawled under the covers and stared at the ceiling for a few moments before speaking.

"You've been to prison, John. _I've_ been to prison," she reasoned quietly. "Who would ever allow it?"

"If we explained the details," John offered. "I'm sure his lordship would be willing to write..." His words trailed off as she shook her head and her face began to crumple.

"I couldn't bear it," she said, struggling to keep her tears out of her voice. "I couldn't bear to hear someone say we aren't fit, that we aren't good enough. It's bad enough that nature has deemed it so, to hear it spoken outside my head-"

"There is no one," John interrupted sharply. "No one could possibly believe that about you. They would only have to meet you for a minute to know how a child would be lucky to have you as a mother." He reached out for her, but she wouldn't yield to the comfort he offered. Helplessly he watched the tears run from the corners of her eyes into her pillow.

"We've had so many troubles," she cried, turning her head to look at him. "Right from the start, it was if we were cursed, as if the universe was against us!" John closed his eyes, unable to deny her words. "That's why I want to have _your_ child, John! Our baby would be living proof that the universe was wrong! A small, perfect little mix of you and me to show that we were meant to be together no matter what has tried to push us apart."

John shifted lower into the bed to be closer. He tenderly brushed the hair from her face and wiped her eyes. "You and I are the proof of that, my darling. We are together, we are stronger... despite everything, we love each other more than when we started. We must let that be our happiness." Anna covered his hand with her own and sniffed.

"I do love you. So much. But I'm not happy," she confessed as fresh tears flooded her eyes. "And I'm so scared that I will never be happy again." Finally she allowed her husband to roll her into his arms and hold her while she wept.

"Even in our darkest hour, we never lost hope," he whispered as he soothed her. "We don't owe the universe any more proof than that." He gave her a gentle smile. "If anything, the universe owes us a miracle or two. We mustn't lose hope that it will happen someday."Anna nodded and then burrowed into his side, exhaling slowly as they settled down to sleep.

She thought that moment would have been a good time to tell him about Lady Mary's plan to take her to London to see Dr. Ryder, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. It was one thing to hang on to hope but quite another to build it up so high and risk everything.

She couldn't do that to him. She couldn't do it to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I wrote this two and half years ago for a tumblr challenge to take a favorite movie scene and rewrite it with Bates and Anna. A favorite scene or a famous scene... can't remember exactly. Well, doesn't matter, it fits the bill either way. The idea was to guess the movie and I stumped no one. I guess this would take place somewhere during S1.**_

"Country Dance"

The ball was in full swing at Downton Abbey. The handful of servants were enjoying a chance to observe the grandeur from outside in the cool midsummer evening air. Even Daisy was able to escape the bustle of the kitchen to take in the sight of it all.

"The women look so beautiful," she said to no one in particular.

"I think they look ugly," mumbled William, still in a mood from an earlier round of words with Thomas.

"You're just scared of them," Gwen teased.

"Silly," Miss O'Brien smirked. "Only _grown_ -up men are scared of women." William's jaw clenched at the insult, but he said nothing.

"I think the men look beautiful," Daisy continued, her face bright with wonder.

"How would you know," O'Brien scoffed, unimpressed with all the fuss. Daisy flinched, but wouldn't be put out. She had never seen such a sight, all the fairy tales she ever heard come to life.

They watched the dancing guests a while longer when Miss O'Brien groaned in disgust and pulled their attention toward the patch of lawn behind them. They were all amused to discover (all except O'Brien who muttered her boredom) Gwen dancing with an invisible partner.

"Gwen," Daily called out cheerily. "Who are you dancing with?"

"Nobody," she replied, unaware that Tom Branson had left the small crowd of servants to approach the prancing housemaid. She stopped when she turned around and saw the chauffeur bow gallantly before her.

"May I have this dance?" he asked with a dramatic exaggeration.

"I'd be delighted, young man," Gwen giggled, matching his fancy tone. They continued the dance, even when it became clear that Tom had absolutely no idea what he was doing. It didn't matter, the festive mood inside was infectious and so they simply laughed as they fumbled over each other steps.

"What's this?" They stopped as Anna joined them from behind a hedge. "Tom, I had no idea you could dance."

"He can't," William joked. His comment was met with more laughter until the music suddenly changed. Everyone turned and watched the couples start to move in a new pattern.

"What's that they're doing?" Daisy asked. Anna moved closer to see.

"That's a country dance," she said simply. William turned toward her and cleared his throat and swallowed hard.

"Will you show me?"

"Oh, William," Anna laughed. "I haven't danced that since I was a little girl."

"Oh, come on, you remember," he pleaded. Anna looked at the others and saw them waiting expectantly for her to show them all how the dance was done.

"Oh, very well. Come here." She took William by the hand and led him back toward the lawn. "First, you bow and I curtsy." She nodded her approval and then took both his hands in hers and started the dance, counting off, stepping and skipping every the third set. William failed to anticipate the underarm turn, however, and they fell out of step.

"Not quite, but here…" Anna reached for his hands and they tried again. William managed the steps but his hand nervously held on to hers too tight and their turn wasn't quite smooth. Anna giggled to find herself twisted at an awkward angle at the end of his arms. "We'll need a bit more practice before the servant's ball-"

"Do allow me, will you?" Anna turned quickly. William had bowed out and standing in his place was Mr. Bates. She didn't stop to think, simply took his outstretched hand with a small grin and followed his lead.

They glided together steadily. Mr. Bates carried her along, her hand feeling weightless in his. Anna smiled at him as he turned her here and there, but he simply kept his gaze on her. Soon the faces of those around them became lost and the music muted. The evening air, which started out cool against her face as she floated lightly through the steps, suddenly felt electric and hot. Anna chanced another glance at his face as he pulled her closer into his arms as the dance became more tangled and intimate.

As Mr. Bates wrapped his arms around her, his eyes never left hers. Anna felt herself beginning to melt under his fierce gaze and the closeness of their bodies to each other. Each step brought them nearer together until finally they were closer than they had ever been before, his arms strong around her and their faces mere inches apart. Anna breathlessly stared up into his face. Mr. Bates lips quirked slightly but the smile fully appeared in his eyes.

Suddenly, Anna stopped dancing. They froze in each other arms, their eyes locked together. Anna finally pulled out of his arms.

"I…I don't remember anymore," she managed, though her voice was low and weak. Mr. Bates stood up straight and smiled at her.

"Your face is all red," Gwen observed. Anna quickly put her hands up to her face and felt the heat in her cheeks.

"Is it?" she replied, never taking her eyes away from Mr. Bates. "I don't suppose I'm used to dancing." His smile broadened.

"Why, that was beautifully done." The voice came from somewhere beyond the hedge. Mrs. Hughes stepped closer, her careful glare bouncing between the valet and the head housemaid before adding with a mix of delight and caution to her quiet tone. "What a lovely couple you make." The housekeeper turned quickly to the others. "William! You better not let Mr. Carson catch you out here! Daisy, you too. Mrs. Patmore has been calling for you."

Anna nodded and took a few steps back before falling in with the rest of the staff. Right before she darted out of sight, she turned to see Mr. Bates standing alone in the moonlight. He was watching her, the smile still gentle on his lips and his eyes shining with self-satisfaction. She ducked her head, bit back a grin and hurried away.


	3. Chapter 3

Series One, Episode Five "Flower Show"

John Bates thought for sure Anna would return from the flower show with the others, certainly not with him. Neither had spoken since their walk to the show when he hopped on that wagon and left her behind with their strained conversation still lingering in the air around her. But suddenly she was by his side, slowing her pace to his as usual.

He had always tried to be a man who kept his cards tight to his chest, desperate to keep his secrets hidden. Anna, however, played her cards boldly. She told him that she loved him. Her little speech was amazingly brave, so brave. And it made him feel like the biggest coward to ever limp the earth.

He felt like a coward because while her words warmed him to his very core, he could tell that his response, as much as he meant it, left her looking left out in the cold. He had yet to figure out how to make her understand this without telling her all the reasons why. As it was he had to tell her he was married. He foolishly thought that would make her declaration void, but she weathered the blow and watched him ride away as if it changed nothing.

She still didn't know the rest, she didn't know that he had been a drunkard. He knew she would dismiss it, point how that he had managed to slay that demon. She would probably say she admired him all the more for it. But she didn't know the precarious line he walked every day, the fear of all the rest being found out. What would she say when he tells her that he was an ex-convict? Or that when she learns that he is a pathetic joke of a man who doesn't even know where his own wife could be? She had no idea that some days it all made his brain itch for a bottle.

God bless her, she will try so hard to maintain her very fine opinion of him. And God help him, he didn't want her to lose it.

But it was useless, there was so much more to it than just his past. His position as valet to the Earl was a good one and he was grateful to have it, but she deserved a man that could offer her a grand life full of everything her heart desired. She was a lady to him, a fine one. She deserved to hold her head high when she went into the village, to wear a ring and a name that filled her with pride when greeted in the shops. What he could offer her would have to be kept hushed and secret lest she lose everything that makes her so lovely, so beloved by all who knew her.

He could offer her nothing of any worth, he could offer her nothing good.

He heard a loud huff from beside him as she quickened her stride, turned in the road and forced him to stop walking.

"Mr. Bates," she began with a calm but serious tone. "I know what you've been doing. Ever since we left the show you've been taking inventory, making a list of things you think you need to give me in order to be worthy of my declaration. Don't try to deny it."

"Anna, it's no use. I have nothing but my problems to give you."

"I told you that I love you," she replied. "All I want is to know you love me too. I think you do. The rest... it's just details."

"But you don't even know – "

"Because you refuse to tell," she cut him off. After a few moments of silence, she rolled her eyes, leaned her head toward the lane and together they began to walk. "Despite what you think, you do have plenty to offer me, Mr. Bates," she said, her tone light and teasing. " For example, a smile before we reach the Abbey would be nice. And if you do think me a lady, perhaps you'll offer me your arm."

The corners of his mouth curled upward as she gently put her hand in the crook of his elbow.

 _ **This was the result of another prompt from a long time ago. I think it's from a prompt. The truth is that I don't honestly remember why I wrote this but... anyway. A recent rewatch and discussion of this episode is making me post it.**_

 _ **I don't own Downton Abbey or these beautiful characters.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Rating change to M, fyi.**

 **Dusting off another one from a while ago... another tumblr prompt to write about John and Anna reclaiming marital intimacy after the events of S4. Writing M has always been a challenge, even more so back when I wrote it...**

Brand New Day

Anna lay in bed, curled up on her side, staring at the framed photograph of John that sat on her bed table. The birds outside sounded like they were getting warmed up to greet the morning light that was starting to break through the dark. The promise of a brand new day seeped gently through the edges of the curtains.

Anna used to have this dream before she married John where she woke up every morning before he did. She would prepare a hearty breakfast so they could enjoy that much more time alone together before heading to the Abbey where "alone together" was practically impossible. When they finally moved into the cottage, the reality was far from the fantasy. John always woke up first, washed and dressed and puttered around waiting for the tea to be ready before calling up the stairs with a warning that they would be late if she didn't hurry.

Every once in a while, though, she woke to the brush of his fingers along her spine. Her mind swam, disoriented from being pulled out of a deep slumber that way. Her heart would race and she would barely be able to catch her breath before her mind registered what was happening. Once it did, however, bursts of warmth spread through her, down her legs and arms, making her skin itch in a delicious kind of way. Her toes would curl and her very core would thrum at the intense and singular realization of what he wanted from her and what they were going to do about it. Before she even opened her eyes, she would turn and open herself for him. Oh, she used to love for him to wake her in the morning for that, god, how she used to love it.

But that was _before_. She always woke before him now. She was still tired, the few hours of sleep she managed was all she ever expected anymore. She could get up, fix some eggs or toast and have it ready for him but she knew she wouldn't. She usually needed this time to think, to reset. To stare at his photograph and thank God for another day to love John and be loved by him. To plan how she would put one foot in front of the other once she left the warmth and safety of the bed.

She closed her eyes and relived their most passionate and heated lovemaking, watching it happen behind her eyelids like a moving picture. She licked her lips as she recalled the way John poured his burning need into each kiss… it was desire most pure, without prelude or patience. Those were the moments when she could know with every inch of her skin and ever nerve in her body that he wanted her as much as she wanted him and it sent her mind into a heady spin. That was _before_ … _before_ … _before that damn bast_ -

She heard the gasp escape her throat as soon as it happened. The soft ghosting of his fingers up her side and arm as he woke up. Her heart skipped a beat before making up for it double time.

"Mmm, good morning," he mumbled softly and started to sit up with a yawn. He pulled the blankets down just enough to expose her shoulder, leaned down to give it a gentle kiss. Anna felt the red heat course through her veins and liquid warmth spread through her limbs. The mattress shifted as he eased his legs over the side, his back to her.

"John!" Anna whispered urgently before she was completely alone in their bed. "Do—do that again."

"What?"

"What you just did. Do it again."

"You mean, kiss you?"

"Yes! Please, just… do it again!" Anna reached out her hand to him in a plea for him to be close once more. He didn't at first, only taking her hand in his and stroking her knuckles in confusion.

"Anna? What is it? What's the matter?"

"Please, John!" He reacted to the desperation in her voice and crawled back under the covers and flush against her back. He gently pulled a loose lock of hair aside and brought his mouth to her shoulder. He could feel her tremble under his hands. He pulled back and stared silently.

"Do it again," she begged. He obeyed, still confused. "Again. Keep doing it. Kiss me." Once more he caressed her skin with his lips, opening his mouth to nip her gently. He maintained the pressure of his mouth on her body but didn't stray too . She could tell he was waiting for her. She turned on her back and looked into his eyes. He looked so bewildered that she had to smile.

"Make love to me," she said, reaching her hand to his face to smooth out the lines of worry that furrowed his brow. He started to say something but she stopped him quickly by covering his mouth with her fingers. "No, don't… don't ask me if I'm sure or say you don't want me to push myself. Don't say anything, just… love me. Love me like you want me so much it hurts." She watched his eyes widen.

"I do want you," he insisted. "I want you like I want air to breathe, Anna. God, yes, I want you. So much."

The sound of his voice caused her to shiver and instantly her hand grabbed tightly around his neck and pulled him down to her. It wasn't the gentlest of kisses but she realized that she was tired of those. It wasn't violent, either. It was deliciously exigent, almost dire.

John moved over her as he trailed kisses into her hair. He knelt between her knees, watching her bunch up her nightgown and yank it furiously over her head. She allowed him to stare at her with a stunned expression for only a moment before reaching for the band of his pajamas. "God, Anna… I love you and want you so much," he murmured as he shoved the bottoms down over his hips and then fell onto his backside to remove them entirely. Anna giggled as she watched with watery eyes. He understood. He understood perfectly.

With little attempt to be smooth, he tugged her drawers over her hips and down her legs that were already flailing to rid themselves of the last stitch of clothing. He settled over her again, and cupped one of her breasts tenderly. He returned his kisses to her throat and chest and Anna allowed it for as long as she could stand. "Please, John, please."

"What if I hurt—"

Anna cut off the words by taking his hand and bringing it between her legs. She pressed his palm gently against her heat, urging him to touch her. "You can't hurt me. See?" He felt wetness, the evidence of her arousal. He paused only to look into her eyes. He never looked away as he moved over her again, lifting her hips onto his and slowly easing himself into her.

"You are perfect," he muttered between the short gasps for air. "You feel perfect." Anna wrapped her arms around him tighter at those words. She started laughing so he wouldn't misinterpret her tears for pain. He couldn't have chosen better words to say at that moment.

"Thank God," she whispered over and over as the moved together. "Thank God, thank you, thank you, thank you." It would not take long and she knew he would feel bad for taking pleasure without her, but she pushed him to let go. Soon she felt his legs start to shake between her thighs, felt the ragged rush of his breath against her ear. "Thank you, thank you."

John cradled her head as he kissed her one last time before dropping beside her. She shot to his side and buried her face against his chest and she sobbed. He gathered her into his arms and cried with her. When the tears finally stopped, they simply held on to each other.

"Anna?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." It was a statement, but she knew he wanted to ask questions.

"I know. I love you, too." Anna decided that she would explain it all later. At that moment, she just wanted to enjoy the start of a brand new day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Boringly Decent**

Anna smiled as she heard the front door of the cottage open. She listened to the familiar tap of his cane as John maneuvered about the hall, waiting for him to come through after a long day at the Abbey. But when he finally appeared, he looked out of sorts.

"Hello," she said as cheerily as she dared. "What has you looking so down?"

"Nothing," John sighed as he made his way to his chair and settled into it with a tired groan.

"It's not nothing," Anna chided sweetly. "You practically came in dragging your face behind you. Here." She rose from her place on the settee and handed the baby to him. "Hold your son. No one can be sad when they're holding a baby. It's been scientifically proven."

"Oh, well… science," John mumbled, but before he could help himself, he was grinning like a soppy fool at the six month old bundle in his arm. In response, little Robbie reached for his nose and tried to pull it.

"Is everything alright at the Abbey? Is it Thomas?"

"No, for once _Mr. Barrow_ is not the problem." John made a face at Robbie as he said the butler's name. Robbie pulled on his nose again. He looked up at his wife who was busy folding the last few items of laundry. "I heard something today when I was in the village… about me."

"Oh?"

"I heard a fellow say that I'm 'boringly decent'."

Anna stopped what she was doing and let out a perturbed huff. "That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" She snatched another nappy and pointed at him with it. "You are not decent."

"That's what I thought- wait, what?"

"Decent is standard! Decent is just satisfactory! To say you are decent is to say that you are simply like all the other men out there and as your wife, I happen to think you are so much more than decent. You, John Bates, are extraordinary!"

John opened his mouth to speak but couldn't quite figure out what to say. "Well, thank you, love. I don't know if I would go so far as to say I'm _extraordinary_ , but-

"I would," she shot back. "I would call you extraordinary seven days a week and twice on Sunday." She picked up the pile and stood, giving him a wink as she began to leave in order to put them away. "Definitely twice on Sunday. Three times, even."

John couldn't help but grin at his feisty wife's defense. Of course he couldn't bring himself to agree entirely. She was the extraordinary one, full of energy and goodness, slipping gracefully into her new role as mother as easily as changing her hat. But at some point in their married life, he learned not to argue about her grand opinion of him. He might never understand what she saw in him when she fell in love with him, but he would always be grateful.

"He also said I was boring," John called to her, lifting his son over his head and nuzzling his belly until Robbie squealed with delight.

"Oh, well," Anna said nonchalantly as she returned with a tea tray and set it on the table. "You are."

"Anna!" John exclaimed, lowering his son. "I am not boring!" After a moment he deflated and added, "Am I?"

Anna pointed to one of the chairs at the table and waited for her husband to be seated. She poured a cup of tea and slid it close to him before taking the baby from him and settling down in the chair across from him.

"Every day you wake up at the same time, eat the same breakfast before heading up to the Abbey where you polish the same shoes, mend the same suits and have the same conversations bragging about me and Robbie to anyone who'll listen. Then you come home at the same time, play with your son until it's time to put him to bed. Without fail you help me clean up the kitchen, tell me how much you love me and kiss me before we turn in for the night," she tilted her head and smiled at him. "It's boring. Gloriously boring! Wonderfully boring! It's the most boring my life has ever been since we married! I love boring, I want us to be boring for the rest of our lives!"

John stared at her, his cup of tea hovering in front of him as if he couldn't quite believe what she was saying.

"Between your first wife's suicide and overzealous inspectors from Scotland Yard and every trial in between, we have had enough excitement for ten lifetimes," she continued. "I relish this boring uneventful existence. Of all the things people in the village have said about us over the years, calling you 'boring' might be one of the nicest."

John set his cup down and ran his hand over his chin. "Well, when you put it that way…"

 ** _Yeah, I owe all my other WIPs my attention but this happened. for my SOM peeps, I'm trying, really I am._**


End file.
